OWEN HEMSATH
PRIDE STAFF WRITER
I met my wife on a dating site, proposed on Skype, and our family attended our Vegas wedding via live streaming Internet video. When two percent of all marriages in the United States come from eHarmony alone, it may be time to face the fact that Internet dating sites have replaced bars, clubs and classrooms as the main places to meet your mate. College students are a busy group, balancing school and often a job. Online dating may be a viable option if you find yourself in need of romance.
Although the same social protocols apply to fostering an online attraction, dating on the web can be tricky. Mastering non-verbal communication skills in addition to absent body language can take months. Before you spend hundreds of dollars on dead-end dates, take the time to read these tips that will help the virtual Casanova make the jump from online zero to romantic hero.
1. Joining a Site
Do: Join a few different sites at first. Dating sites range from very general to niche sites that are designed for a group like single parents or Christians. Be sure to join at least one of each in order to objectively establish your comfort zone. After a little time, you will know which site(s) work best for you.
Don’t: Pay for a membership until you have received a decent response rate. Most sites offer a free sign-up but won’t allow email or chat communication with other members until a fee is paid. You might pay for a site only to realize later that its interface is not user-friendly or that there are simply no members in your area.
2. Creating a profile
Do: Post at least 150 words. Be sure to accurately explicate your personality and interests. Use humor and wit to entice a possible mate and leave out the sob story about your ex. If you like model airplanes and Foghat then find a clever way to say so. Also, post a minimum of three pictures that illustrate your best look, your group of friends and you doing something you love (hiking, fishing, snowboarding, etc). The better your pics, the higher your hits.
Don’t: Stay away from pictures with frowning or “tough-guy” poses, these will only arouse suspicion and make you look like a predator. Don’t ever lie and stay away from embellishment. If you don’t snowboard, then don’t mention snowboarding. Most importantly, never mention old relationships or heartbreak stories. Doing so is akin to tattooing LOSER on your forehead and walking around with your zipper down.
3. Flirting with Other Members
Do: Wink as often as possible. Most sites offer a free communication tool called a wink (or a flirt) where members can show interest in each other with a pre-written email design. Since winks are the primary method by which other members will notice your profile, you must get in the habit of sending a lot of winks. Send 10 winks per weekday for 1 month and you will have sent 200 winks, increasing your odds that potential love-interests will respond.
Don’t: Email before winking. A direct email before solidifying attraction is as welcome as a phone call at dinnertime. Doing so exemplifies a non-interest in attraction and may irreversibly turn-off a potential mate. Conversely, don’t pre-judge an attractive profile due to some personal neurosis. If you see someone you’re attracted to but they live in Magna- wink anyway. You never know what treasures you’ll find if you keep digging.
4. Emailing Potential Mates
Do: Send a short, personal email to anyone who returns a wink. Emailing is an essential part of Internet dating because it is the first step when moving from digital contact to physical contact. When emailing, be brief. Include information that references their interests or profile, builds attraction, and features a joke or witty remark. Try to keep your first email within two paragraphs and ask a question in order to engage the target.
Don’t: Write a personal narrative. Only hopeless people have time to write a 3-page diatribe to a stranger. A lengthy, dry or overly inquisitive email will create an impression of desperation and loneliness. The first email is not the time to share your personal story or heartbreak. Additionally, avoid cheesy clichés and don’t over-compliment.
5. The First Meet
Do: Meet in a well-lit public place for a maximum of 90 minutes and go Dutch. The meet can be an awkward experience since it will be the first time you see the member without the comfort of text or graphics. Find a venue conducive to conversation (not stuffing food in your mouth). Be prepared with conversational topics to interject and avoid awkward silences by using a cheat sheet.
Don’t: Don’t call it a date. This could be a topic by itself. As the first meet is riddled with error opportunities you must go into it with the idea that less is more. You are not dating yet, you are simply meeting. Therefore it is not a date. My first meet with my wife lasted 20 minutes. We established attraction, set another meet and said goodbye. Don’t go to dinner or a movie, don’t buy roses or coffee or anything for the other person, don’t stay longer than 90 minutes, don’t overcompliment and definitely don’t shake hands. Shaking hands is something friends do and if you’re looking to meet “friends” on the Internet, you’re wasting your time. Keep in mind that your goal here is to establish attraction and set a real date. Stay fresh, stay cool and don’t stay long. Remain somewhat of a mystery—you can always send an email to your mate acknowledging that you had a great time. With these tips in your online dating arsenal, you may have a better chance at finding love— snagging dates like flies in the interwebs. Happy hunting!
Photo courtesy of informationtechnologyschools.org