By Anthony Trevino
Staff Writer
Recently, I was complaining to a buddy of mine that I couldn’t remember the last time I went on an actual date. He suggested that I try OK Cupid, since he was going to have a go at it himself.
He must have seen the look on my face because he immediately followed it with, “Stop taking yourself so seriously and try it out.”
So over summer break I ventured into the world of online dating. While my experiences were tame compared to those of whom I communicated with- no one offered to show me their homemade dungeon or paint me in their “studio” much to my chagrin. I did find myself asking one question over and over: can we really find “the one” by answering a set of questions and filling out a profile that’s dangerously close to a job application?
The quick and easy answer is that it depends on what you’re looking for. A lot of people utilize online dating for hookups or summer romances, while others try to seek out a solid individual who’s in it for the long haul. The way OK Cupid works is that you’re matched with people by a percentage that is based on how you answer their never-ending questionnaire.
This matching system, based on questions one might find on a psychological test for the FBI, is meant to make meeting people easier; however, it doesn’t take any kind of genius-like intuition to know that this algorithm can be manipulated or flat-out wrong. For kicks, I looked at what percentage of a match my friend and I were, and was aghast at the fact that we were only a 66 percent match.
My point is that not everyone can really get a good idea of who someone is based on these questions, oftentimes leading you to miss out on what may have been a relationship or friendship. For example, one woman I had been chatting with informed me a few days before our date that based on how different our answers to the pre-set questions were, there was no reason for us to meet up.
That was fine. My feelings were only moderately singed- definitely better than a bad or awkward date. However, I find it interesting that this is what caused the change in interest. To me, an algorithm cannot predict chemistry.
So, while maybe it’s true that she enjoyed the beach and Jason Mraz, while I preferred the wilderness and Die Antwoord, there’s still a possibility that we may have hit it off. But because I checked X instead of Y, it meant we were too different and therefore not compatible on any level.
Therein lies my problem with the system of online dating. It provides a way for people to filter out traits they find undesirable in potential partners, without really understanding how those aspects shape the individual they’re talking to. In a way, the online dating system eliminates the chemistry that can form when meeting people in person- much like applying for a job online can make one feel like just another number in a corporate inbox.
Keeping all this in mind, I actively sought out people that were only seventy percent matches or below. Most people I contacted were operating under the same “I don’t talk to anyone that isn’t 90 percent compatible” perception, which is fine; however, after a few unfruitful attempts, a woman (who I’ll call E) around my age replied, and we went out a few days later. E is the complete opposite of what I typically look for: energetic, loud, bubbly and careless about what people think of her. Other than a very similar love of film, we are totally different.
Flash forward a few months later and we’ve developed a great friendship that may or may not blossom into more. Even if it doesn’t, I’m still overjoyed to have gotten to know the woman with pink hair that OK Cupid told me was only a 70 percent match.
In short, the online dating’s system of connecting people isn’t bad or malicious. It’s merely flawed in that it’s not going to be correct 100 percent of the time. I think it would be beneficial for potential users of these various sites to be aware that love isn’t something you find by reading a profile of checking boxes; it’s something you discover by getting to know people in the real world.