This summer I traveled to my bedroom. This is not a joke; I love staying at home. I am an introvert. I traveled to what my girlfriend and I call “Hermit-Island”. It should be on the “Top Ten Places To Travel To Before You Die.”

Full disclosure, I am a hermit. I know the extroverts out there are gasping as they read this. It’s fine. I understand you all enjoy going out and seeing “the world.” But I can just argue Descartes and say, “I think therefore I am”—if I want to see Paris I can just go on Google Earth, Google Images and Google Street View to enjoy the Eiffel Tower while I sip a homemade, organic French iced coffee I ordered on Amazon.

I think one of the greatest places a person can visit is his or her own mind. Unfortunately, too many neglect their minds. In order to feel like our lives have meaning, we need external stimulation. For many, this comes in the form of concerts, parties, and cult gatherings. I am telling you now that my life has plenty of meaning.

I own a lot of books. This summer I read some classics that every English nerd talks about, and I read several nonfiction books as well. The most interesting concept I came across while reading suggested that humans are just carbon-based organisms filled with electricity whose ultimate goal is to breed.

My room is stacked; if it wasn’t for sleep or the need to consume calories for survival, I would still be in there reading. I’ll read until my eyes turn to dust.

When I’m not reading I am on the trails near my house. I like to mountain bike and run. I’ll admit I have a very sexy figure for a hermit. Sometimes I go into town to swim laps. I hate sharing lanes, so I wait for the one-man-lane to become available. I usually venture in at night to avoid the stares of extroverts who show up to “socialize.” I laugh internally.

Like how all good stories end, I was even able to meet a girl from the comfort of my home. She’s from South Africa. We’re in a long distance relationship and are probably going to get married. When we do, you’re all invited via Go-To-Meeting!

I was amazed that I could do anything and everything in the comfort of my underwear. With just a click, I can order pizza online, renew my supplements, cause a flame war or troll unsuspecting plebs, while still maintaining a social life.

I can’t wait for the day when the human race transcends, uploading our pathetic consciousnesses into virtual reality, and robots are left on Earth to maintain the planet and our bodies. (Like Wallie without the obesity.)

So next time summer rolls around, think about visiting Hermit-Island. And please, leave me alone.