Have you heard of the 90-day rule? It is essentially this idea that women should make men wait 90 days to have sex with them.

I can see how this is useful because too often women are afraid men will leave them as soon as they have sex with them. It tests to see if they will be faithful in a relationship. But I think it is problematic because society has portrayed men as sex crazed beings though this is not always the case. It also makes women the gatekeeper of purity and sex. Plus, it ignores LGBTQA relationships by focusing on heterosexual relationships. And lastly, sex is not restricted to relationships.

Whatever your preference, it is yours. And it is something no one should have control over except you. It is not a preference that someone should judge you on. It is a personal preference that should be respected and understood  by all parties. If someone cannot respect that, maybe you shouldn’t have sex with them. Does this 90 day wait rule happen? Sure! But so what? That is a choice.

When it comes to sex, how long do you wait? After the third date? Until you feel an emotional connection with someone? Until you are married because of personal beliefs? Or does time not matter and you just know when you are ready to have sex with someone?

Personally, as a woman, I do not have a set timeline until I decide to have sex with someone. My decision whether or not to have sex honestly depends on my connection with the person. I need to have an emotional bond with someone, to feel connected with them. And I need to know we are monogamous. Otherwise, I can’t enjoy it.

But for others, it’s different. I asked other people  how they knew they were ready for sex. Maritza has made the personal choice not to have sex until marriage based on her personal beliefs. For Hidayah, it all depends on the partner. “It is about the chemistry with the person,” she says. So in a sense, it is different with different partners.

It is important to note that not everyone follows this rule for sex and therefore it needs to be respected. The words “no,” or “I’m not ready,” do not mean, “Convince me.”