Hey, Coug. Can you please give me some pointers on how to evaluate my relationship? I have strong feelings for my boyfriend but I just want to be sure my instincts are right before I let myself fall completely in love with him.

Reflecting on the nature of your romantic relationship is a valuable exercise. You may expose some red flags you were previously blind to, or you may find yourself recalling many happy occasions that caused you to fall for him in the first place. Whatever course your evaluation takes, it is important to carefully consider the following things:

First, what medium do you use to communicate? Some relationships begin via Facebook or text messaging. Faceless beginnings can cripple the transition from typing to talking, so consider how often you actually converse in person. A healthy relationship values face time; all forms of social media or telephone communication are secondary. Of course, distance can be a factor in the amount of time you spend in person. Red flags raise when it becomes easier to type or text your feelings rather than explain yourself face-to-face. When you communicate, consider the nature of the conversation. Are you at ease with this person? Are you constantly fighting? Do you feel valued when talking to him? Do you hide or show your emotions in conversation? You should be able to share anything with your boyfriend and know he will respond with care and appreciation for your feelings. Conversely, you must pay attention to how well you and he listen to each other. Being “present” while the other is talking is one of the key aspects of effective communication, whether you are discussing the day’s events or your innermost feelings. Consider how well he responds to what you reveal in conversation.

When you are in a steady relationship, you must be able to trust the other person. This does not simply mean knowing he won’t cheat on you—you must also trust him with your heart, becoming vulnerable to him. A trusting relationship also includes having faith in your partner. Believing in each other means you place trust in the talents, dreams, and capabilities of the other person. If you deem your boyfriend worthy of your love, you will trust in every part of his being—mind, body, and soul.

College students lead a full, busy life. Deadlines, homework, and grades top the priority list. Sometimes, you or your boyfriend may have to come second to a paper or lab report. In these situations, keep in mind that your education is important to a fulfilling future. Respect the other person’s right to complete homework on time. Other times, you may need to be patient if your boyfriend needs time to himself. Remember that “love is patient,” but ignorance is unacceptable. Don’t let yourself be neglected, but a healthy dose of patience will help any relationship last.

These three qualifications all fall under one overarching theme: respectfulness. If you feel respected and appreciated, then your relationship is likely a healthy one. Don’t be afraid to recognize instances of disrespect, whether it is minor transgressions or more serious issues. In any case, consistently demand respect and you will surely receive it.

Drawing courtesy of Chelsea Jauregui