Dear Coug, My boyfriend and I recently decided to end our relationship. I want to stay friends—we share many interests and enjoy doing the same activities. He seemed to think this idea was possible at first, but he has since been very distant. Any advice?

Breaking up is hard to do, but staying friends can be even harder. Making the transition from romantic partners to platonic friends takes a great amount of understanding, maturity, and restraint. You both may need a period of time apart with no communication. He is likely distancing himself from you because he needs time to let his romantic feelings for you fizzle out. “Cooling off” may take months or even years, depending on how strong your friendship was before you dated. Give each other time to get over things. If you still want to remain friends, see each other in large group settings. Keep conversation light and upbeat. Avoid one-on-one time until both of you are certain you will not slip back into old habits. Respect his feelings and be understanding if staying friends does not work out.

My girlfriend is a strong, independent woman—sometimes I feel like I need her more than she needs me. I’m afraid she will realize she deserves someone better and eventually leave. Help?

Popular culture no longer tells women to be submissive, emotional partners. Most boyfriends do not want a “needy” girlfriend, but you may feel differently. The first step is to talk to your girlfriend about how you feel. Be completely honest and be careful not to blame her. She likely has no idea that she is acting too independent for the relationship. She will either recognize that she cannot satisfy your emotional needs or realize that she has been neglecting your feelings. However she reacts, you have to take the risk and communicate. Many women are attracted to sensitive men; if she is not the one for you, then you will surely find another.

Drawing courtesy of Chelsea Jauregui