I am pleased and honored to have the chance to present Brian Points for acceptance into your program. My comments intend not to be unencumbered by the facts of his resume, as those notes are available to you. Here, I intend to analyze the content of his character. Meeting Points – it has been like experiencing the room temperature. I am content to state that Mr. Points is a former colleague of mine and you would be fortunate to get this person to work for you. His presence will provide a great challenge for your current competing personnel. He is in an interminable state of inertia, an energy that requires a forward propulsion and implementation. I would like to point out that Points is complacent in any situation or task and would easily fit into your organization. He would get along well because quite frankly, others would never notice a change. Points loves to learn from others and would be fantastic at taking over your previously existing activities. He would never deviate from prescribed normalcy, ensuring that the existing state of affairs remains as such. I am certain your current status quo encompasses the best possible situation. Additionally, Points is certainly well-balanced. He has no strong opinions neither here nor there. Quite frankly, he is salient in every situation. Points is as bright as a night sky, a real treat seeing as how it only comes around just once a day. As you can see, Points is an tempting individual with many fine attributes to consider. His career will really take off if only you would consider voting for hiring – I’m sorry, I forgot he has not taken the time to run.

-Amira El-Khaouli

*Editors Note: Brian Points is a fictional character. After the writer read ASI’s mission statement for the elections, the writer came up with the ‘perfect candidate’ (Points). Her article is a satirical take on the elections.